1. Of the three types of decision making (consensus, majority vote, by the leader), which do you prefer and why?
I definitely prefer the majority vote out of the three types of decision making. This way all parties simultaneously get to have their say, but the decision is made quickly and efficiently. It also allows the decision to reflect the majority of the group’s opinions.
The only time that this is not necessarily preferable would be when the minority actually have the better opinion, but are not given the chance to defend their choice. In these cases, if there is not enough deliberation time before the vote is taken, the decision will follow that of the majority but not necessarily be the best decision.
2. Think of the best (or worst) group decision you’ve ever been involved with, then describe how that decision was made. What were the factors that made it such a good (or bad) decision?
One of the best group decisions I have ever been involved with took place one day after a group of my friends and I took our final for a night class we had together. It had been a particularly frustrating class and we all agreed we needed to celebrate its completion. While in most formal, and usually informal settings, I prefer an autocratic leader to either emerge or be appointed. This night was very different, however. Ashley emerged as the leader, because she had a car to transport us to where we decided to celebrate. Instead of being democratic or autocratic, however, she was very laissez-faire and simply allowed us to decide where we wanted to go and what we wanted to do. We reached a consensus that we wanted to take a spontaneous road trip, but we were unsure where to go. We then discussed the different possibilities, such as going to New Orleans, going to the beach, going to Mobile, going to Jackson, or going to Meridian. We were sure that we did not necessarily want to go anywhere farther than any of those cities, so we discussed the pros and cons of each city. Since we had recently each been to New Orleans and the beach, we decided to eliminate both of those destinations. We discussed the last three possibilities and finally decided on Jackson by way of Morton. We then spent the rest of the night surprising my (then) boyfriend at his night job, and going to Waffle House in Jackson before returning home.
While most people would say that going to Jackson outskirts in the middle of the night just to go to Waffle House would be one of the worst group decisions ever, we definitely disagree! That trip allowed us to bond in ways that we had not been able to before. We also agree that allowing the group to discuss and collaborate on the destination, instead of one person making the decision for the group, also made the trip very enjoyable.
Monday, October 25, 2010
Small Group - Chapter 10
1. Describe exactly what you do when you have a problem to solve. How well does this procedure work for you?
When I have a problem to solve, I generally start by analyzing it and deciding on the nature of the problem, and who the best person would be consult. After I decide what type of problem it is and who I should consult, I try to contact that person. Usually most of my problems are divided up into work (Missy or Mrs. Brenda), spiritual (Josh, and/or various friends who are pastors), relationship (Mom or Ashley), and personal (Josh, Ashley, Mom, and/or Dad). After consulting my decided upon person, we discuss the issue and various solutions. We will then decide what the best solution is based on the facts for that particular situation. Finally, I begin taking the necessary steps toward the solution we agreed on.
This procedure tends to work fairly well for most problems I have. This is because I have a wide variety of people who are willing to help me, and are knowledgeable enough to help me make the best decision for each situation.
2. Analyze a problem you currently have according to its present situation, obstacles, and goal. What are ways that you could get around or go through the obstacles?
One problem that I currently have is trying to find enough money to both pay for my tuition for Winter Trimester, and also go to Haiti with my church over Thanksgiving break. Because both are very important to me, but also very expensive, I have found myself at a loss recently!
But I have been taking the necessary steps to analyze it and begin to solve these problems. The First step was to decide which was more important, and how I would divide my money according to that priority. Because my parents are very adamant that I finish my college education first and foremost, I obviously decided that paying for my tuition would be my first priority.
Because the end goal is for me to both pay for my tuition and participate in the Haiti trip without taking out any loans, it was then important for me to examine all of my personal resources, as well as any other possible resources that I may use to reach that goal. I started by calculating how much I receive each month from my pay checks, as well as from my Ministerial Board of Education checks. I then calculated how much of that must be used for my primary goal, and how much would be left over for my secondary goal. Unfortunately, I found that all of the money received from both of these resources would go to reaching my primary goal, with only a minimal amount left to put towards my secondary goal.
From there, I began to examine other possible resources to help me reach my secondary goal. I decided to send out letters to various family members and close friends, asking them to support me with my secondary goal. I also began babysitting for a friend in order add a small amount to the secondary goal each week, as well as take care of basic expenses such as gas and food. A third option I am now pursuing is cleaning another friend’s house to raise more money for my Haiti trip.
Finally, if I am still unable to reach my secondary goal, I will have to decide to cancel my trip and donate the money I have raised so far to the rest of the mission team.
When I have a problem to solve, I generally start by analyzing it and deciding on the nature of the problem, and who the best person would be consult. After I decide what type of problem it is and who I should consult, I try to contact that person. Usually most of my problems are divided up into work (Missy or Mrs. Brenda), spiritual (Josh, and/or various friends who are pastors), relationship (Mom or Ashley), and personal (Josh, Ashley, Mom, and/or Dad). After consulting my decided upon person, we discuss the issue and various solutions. We will then decide what the best solution is based on the facts for that particular situation. Finally, I begin taking the necessary steps toward the solution we agreed on.
This procedure tends to work fairly well for most problems I have. This is because I have a wide variety of people who are willing to help me, and are knowledgeable enough to help me make the best decision for each situation.
2. Analyze a problem you currently have according to its present situation, obstacles, and goal. What are ways that you could get around or go through the obstacles?
One problem that I currently have is trying to find enough money to both pay for my tuition for Winter Trimester, and also go to Haiti with my church over Thanksgiving break. Because both are very important to me, but also very expensive, I have found myself at a loss recently!
But I have been taking the necessary steps to analyze it and begin to solve these problems. The First step was to decide which was more important, and how I would divide my money according to that priority. Because my parents are very adamant that I finish my college education first and foremost, I obviously decided that paying for my tuition would be my first priority.
Because the end goal is for me to both pay for my tuition and participate in the Haiti trip without taking out any loans, it was then important for me to examine all of my personal resources, as well as any other possible resources that I may use to reach that goal. I started by calculating how much I receive each month from my pay checks, as well as from my Ministerial Board of Education checks. I then calculated how much of that must be used for my primary goal, and how much would be left over for my secondary goal. Unfortunately, I found that all of the money received from both of these resources would go to reaching my primary goal, with only a minimal amount left to put towards my secondary goal.
From there, I began to examine other possible resources to help me reach my secondary goal. I decided to send out letters to various family members and close friends, asking them to support me with my secondary goal. I also began babysitting for a friend in order add a small amount to the secondary goal each week, as well as take care of basic expenses such as gas and food. A third option I am now pursuing is cleaning another friend’s house to raise more money for my Haiti trip.
Finally, if I am still unable to reach my secondary goal, I will have to decide to cancel my trip and donate the money I have raised so far to the rest of the mission team.
Small Group - Chapter 9
2. If everyone in the group is responsible for how the group functions, what do you think the leader should do?
I think that the leader’s job is to oversee the group’s functions, to make sure that each area is going as it is meant to. I also think that it is important for the leader to recognize when a certain area is lacking and be willing to step in and fulfill that role. Theoretically, if the group is responsible for how it functions, then the leader’s role is basically just to oversee, mediate, and fill in the gaps.
3. Under what type of leadership are you most comfortable working? Why?
The type of situation I am involved in often determines the type of leadership I am most comfortable working with. If there is time, and I feel like the majority of the group is qualified to give input, I usually prefer a democratic leader. This type of leader encourages all group members to participate in the process, and usually everyone feels more involved.
If there is no time for discussion, or I feel like there are group members who are highly unqualified to give valuable input into the decision, I definitely appreciate an autocratic leader. These types of leaders are dominant leaders who make decisions for the whole group, and control the group.
I usually prefer either democratic or autocratic leaders in most situations, but there are occasions that allow for a Laissez-Faire leader. These leaders are designated leaders, but are not very involved in the workings of the groups: they do not facilitate the discussions, help make the decisions, or control the group in any way. While in almost every case, this type of leader frustrates me the most, there are a few occasions that I would prefer it. For example, If all group members where highly qualified, highly motivated, and able to operate the group together without a leader figure, then a laissez-faire leader would be appropriate.
In general, however, I mostly prefer an autocratic leader. While it is nice to have a say in discussions or decisions on occasions, in most cases I would much prefer someone to simply tell me what to do. This is because I tend to be very indecisive, so it is always helpful for someone to just make the decision for me!
I think that the leader’s job is to oversee the group’s functions, to make sure that each area is going as it is meant to. I also think that it is important for the leader to recognize when a certain area is lacking and be willing to step in and fulfill that role. Theoretically, if the group is responsible for how it functions, then the leader’s role is basically just to oversee, mediate, and fill in the gaps.
3. Under what type of leadership are you most comfortable working? Why?
The type of situation I am involved in often determines the type of leadership I am most comfortable working with. If there is time, and I feel like the majority of the group is qualified to give input, I usually prefer a democratic leader. This type of leader encourages all group members to participate in the process, and usually everyone feels more involved.
If there is no time for discussion, or I feel like there are group members who are highly unqualified to give valuable input into the decision, I definitely appreciate an autocratic leader. These types of leaders are dominant leaders who make decisions for the whole group, and control the group.
I usually prefer either democratic or autocratic leaders in most situations, but there are occasions that allow for a Laissez-Faire leader. These leaders are designated leaders, but are not very involved in the workings of the groups: they do not facilitate the discussions, help make the decisions, or control the group in any way. While in almost every case, this type of leader frustrates me the most, there are a few occasions that I would prefer it. For example, If all group members where highly qualified, highly motivated, and able to operate the group together without a leader figure, then a laissez-faire leader would be appropriate.
In general, however, I mostly prefer an autocratic leader. While it is nice to have a say in discussions or decisions on occasions, in most cases I would much prefer someone to simply tell me what to do. This is because I tend to be very indecisive, so it is always helpful for someone to just make the decision for me!
Monday, October 11, 2010
PB&J Project Update #2
10/11/10
In our second group meeting, we decided on a game plan of how to carry out our group project. We decided what tasks needed to be done, and divided them evenly.
-I agreed to contact Emily and work on getting the project approved. I also said that I would work on preparing the signs for the donation boxes.
-Arlise agreed to make flyers with all of the information and distribute them. She also mentioned contacting a friend to help gather boxes.
-Jess agreed to make the powerpoint slide for the Cafeteria Screen, as well as work on Facebook advertisements. She also agreed to help me with the signs for the boxes.
Since that meeting, we have been trying to complete our tasks. Due to crazy schedules, it took longer than we planned to prepare for our kick off. Our plan is to start distributing boxes this afternoon (10/11/10) if all possible, though we still do not have signs for all of them.
The current plan is to leave the boxes in the locations for two weeks to collect donations.
In our second group meeting, we decided on a game plan of how to carry out our group project. We decided what tasks needed to be done, and divided them evenly.
-I agreed to contact Emily and work on getting the project approved. I also said that I would work on preparing the signs for the donation boxes.
-Arlise agreed to make flyers with all of the information and distribute them. She also mentioned contacting a friend to help gather boxes.
-Jess agreed to make the powerpoint slide for the Cafeteria Screen, as well as work on Facebook advertisements. She also agreed to help me with the signs for the boxes.
Since that meeting, we have been trying to complete our tasks. Due to crazy schedules, it took longer than we planned to prepare for our kick off. Our plan is to start distributing boxes this afternoon (10/11/10) if all possible, though we still do not have signs for all of them.
The current plan is to leave the boxes in the locations for two weeks to collect donations.
Small Group - Chapter 8
10/11/10
9. What are some factors, in your experience, that make it difficult for a group to be cohesive?
One factor that makes a group cohesive is their common ground. If, for example, group members have similar likes, dislikes, or hobbies, they are more likely to understand each other, and be more cohesive. Another factor that aids group cohesiveness is a common goal. If group members have the same, or similar goals, they will be much more willing to work together than if they were all working towards their own separate goals. A third factor that aids in group cohesiveness is personality types, and each person’s ability to cooperate with different personality types. If group members each have a different type of personality, and none of the members truly know how to work well with other personality types, then group cohesiveness will be very low. If, however, the group members have different personality types, but also know how to work together and use their personality types to their advantage, then group cohesiveness will be high.
9. What are some factors, in your experience, that make it difficult for a group to be cohesive?
One factor that makes a group cohesive is their common ground. If, for example, group members have similar likes, dislikes, or hobbies, they are more likely to understand each other, and be more cohesive. Another factor that aids group cohesiveness is a common goal. If group members have the same, or similar goals, they will be much more willing to work together than if they were all working towards their own separate goals. A third factor that aids in group cohesiveness is personality types, and each person’s ability to cooperate with different personality types. If group members each have a different type of personality, and none of the members truly know how to work well with other personality types, then group cohesiveness will be very low. If, however, the group members have different personality types, but also know how to work together and use their personality types to their advantage, then group cohesiveness will be high.
Small Group - Chapter 7
10/11/10
1. What is the hardest thing for you when you are a member of a group that is being observed?
The hardest thing for me when I am a member of a group being observed is remembering to act natural. My instinct is to act up for the people who are observing my group. In other words, if I know that people are watching me, I am more likely to be very careful about what I say, or act differently than I normally would, just to impress them.
2. What is the hardest thing for you as an observer of another group?
The hardest thing for me as an observer of another group is trying to fix their every problem. My mom always tells me that I’m a “fixer”, especially when it comes to people. When I see something wrong in a person, especially when they do not recognize it in themselves, I always want to try to help them correct it. Therefore, observing another group brings out those tendencies in me. Even if I am observing to help them fix certain problems, I still will not be able to fix all of their problems, and I will get frustrated.
1. What is the hardest thing for you when you are a member of a group that is being observed?
The hardest thing for me when I am a member of a group being observed is remembering to act natural. My instinct is to act up for the people who are observing my group. In other words, if I know that people are watching me, I am more likely to be very careful about what I say, or act differently than I normally would, just to impress them.
2. What is the hardest thing for you as an observer of another group?
The hardest thing for me as an observer of another group is trying to fix their every problem. My mom always tells me that I’m a “fixer”, especially when it comes to people. When I see something wrong in a person, especially when they do not recognize it in themselves, I always want to try to help them correct it. Therefore, observing another group brings out those tendencies in me. Even if I am observing to help them fix certain problems, I still will not be able to fix all of their problems, and I will get frustrated.
Small Group - Chapter 6
10/11/10
2. Do you think that you are cognitively complex or simple? What is it like for you to work with others who differ from you on this variable?
I consider myself to be cognitively complex. This usually works to my advantage, but when I have to work with someone who is significantly cognitively simple it can be pretty frustrating. This is because I often have to be very intentional about how I address the person, and the language that I use. I often find myself having to substitute very simple words for words that I use on a regular basis. I also have to regularly rephrase sentences altogether so that other people can understand. Another problem I find in working with people who are cognitively simple is explaining concepts that may seem simple to me, but are very complex to them. In general, I am not completely opposed to working with people who are cognitively simple, it is just really frustrating!
5. How do you handle a member who is withdrawn and quiet in a group? What are you feelings about such a person?
Because I have a tendency to be quiet and withdrawn in groups myself, I find it easier to handle other members of a group who are the same way. If I am leading a group and have one or more members who are very withdrawn and quiet, I try to make a very deliberate point of including them. This can be done by encouraging everybody to give input by going around the circle. I also try to help the group become more comfortable with each other by playing simple games to help members learn about each other. Often a person who is quiet or withdrawn will be more active in the group once they feel comfortable with the other members. If this does not help, however, I continue to make deliberate actions to specifically include the withdrawn members.
2. Do you think that you are cognitively complex or simple? What is it like for you to work with others who differ from you on this variable?
I consider myself to be cognitively complex. This usually works to my advantage, but when I have to work with someone who is significantly cognitively simple it can be pretty frustrating. This is because I often have to be very intentional about how I address the person, and the language that I use. I often find myself having to substitute very simple words for words that I use on a regular basis. I also have to regularly rephrase sentences altogether so that other people can understand. Another problem I find in working with people who are cognitively simple is explaining concepts that may seem simple to me, but are very complex to them. In general, I am not completely opposed to working with people who are cognitively simple, it is just really frustrating!
5. How do you handle a member who is withdrawn and quiet in a group? What are you feelings about such a person?
Because I have a tendency to be quiet and withdrawn in groups myself, I find it easier to handle other members of a group who are the same way. If I am leading a group and have one or more members who are very withdrawn and quiet, I try to make a very deliberate point of including them. This can be done by encouraging everybody to give input by going around the circle. I also try to help the group become more comfortable with each other by playing simple games to help members learn about each other. Often a person who is quiet or withdrawn will be more active in the group once they feel comfortable with the other members. If this does not help, however, I continue to make deliberate actions to specifically include the withdrawn members.
Small Group - Chapter 5
10/6/10
2. When you work with others who are very different from you (perhaps from other countries or from other areas of the United States), what kinds of things do you think and feel about those people?
I usually enjoy working with people who are very different with me, though I think it would be exhausting to do so on a continual basis. I love to learn about other cultures and places, as well as the people from those cultures and places. Because of this passion, it is always interesting to work with people from different backgrounds and learn about them as we work. I love learning from other people’s perspectives, and people who are different from me I see as a wealthy source of new things to learn and discover! As I said before, however, it could be exhausting to constantly work with people from different cultures, because I would constantly be studying them and never actually working!
3. How do you feel when you have to share a grade with other members of the group? Do you prefer to be rewarded for your own work, or as a member of a group? Why?
I usually do not like to share a grade with other members, and would much rather be graded on an individual basis. This is because most groups, as we have discussed before, do not really act as a group, but divide the work up and work separately anyways. In this kind of group, I usually am the person that does the most work anyways, while the rest my group usually ends up being social loafers.
If the group is working together, and we have the same goals for how we want the end result to look like, then I would not mind sharing my grade with them. I just had being penalized for other people’s laziness; especially when I have worked especially hard to compensate.
2. When you work with others who are very different from you (perhaps from other countries or from other areas of the United States), what kinds of things do you think and feel about those people?
I usually enjoy working with people who are very different with me, though I think it would be exhausting to do so on a continual basis. I love to learn about other cultures and places, as well as the people from those cultures and places. Because of this passion, it is always interesting to work with people from different backgrounds and learn about them as we work. I love learning from other people’s perspectives, and people who are different from me I see as a wealthy source of new things to learn and discover! As I said before, however, it could be exhausting to constantly work with people from different cultures, because I would constantly be studying them and never actually working!
3. How do you feel when you have to share a grade with other members of the group? Do you prefer to be rewarded for your own work, or as a member of a group? Why?
I usually do not like to share a grade with other members, and would much rather be graded on an individual basis. This is because most groups, as we have discussed before, do not really act as a group, but divide the work up and work separately anyways. In this kind of group, I usually am the person that does the most work anyways, while the rest my group usually ends up being social loafers.
If the group is working together, and we have the same goals for how we want the end result to look like, then I would not mind sharing my grade with them. I just had being penalized for other people’s laziness; especially when I have worked especially hard to compensate.
Wednesday, September 15, 2010
PB&J Project update
9-15-10
In our first group meeting we discussed what our project should be. All three of us had really great ideas that we all wanted to see implemented. We debated between doing a coin drive to support March of Dimes, Hosting a Fashion show to raise money for a Family member with cancer, and a food drive to make brown bag lunches for the homeless people of Hattiesburg. In the end, we decided to go with the food drive. We decided based on two major factors, ease of implementation, and greatest impact for the amount of time and resources available.
We were scheduled to have our second team meeting after class on Monday, September 13, but Arlise was sick, so we reschedule for Wednesday September 15. My hope is to discuss the plan of action and divide up responsibilities.
In our first group meeting we discussed what our project should be. All three of us had really great ideas that we all wanted to see implemented. We debated between doing a coin drive to support March of Dimes, Hosting a Fashion show to raise money for a Family member with cancer, and a food drive to make brown bag lunches for the homeless people of Hattiesburg. In the end, we decided to go with the food drive. We decided based on two major factors, ease of implementation, and greatest impact for the amount of time and resources available.
We were scheduled to have our second team meeting after class on Monday, September 13, but Arlise was sick, so we reschedule for Wednesday September 15. My hope is to discuss the plan of action and divide up responsibilities.
Small Group - Chapter 4
9-15-10
1. What are the advantages and disadvantages of open small group systems as opposed to closed small group systems?
Open small group systems allow outside influences to impact the group. This can be an advantage because it allows outside ideas to spark creativity in the group. It can also be a disadvantage when negative outside influences begin to take effect on the group, causing problems within the group.
In the same way, closed small group systems have both their advantages and disadvantages. They prevent negative factors from influencing the group, and may help keep the group more focused on their goals. The disadvantage would be when creativity and ideas are solely from the members of the group, instead of drawing inspiration and other influences from the outside.
1. What are the advantages and disadvantages of open small group systems as opposed to closed small group systems?
Open small group systems allow outside influences to impact the group. This can be an advantage because it allows outside ideas to spark creativity in the group. It can also be a disadvantage when negative outside influences begin to take effect on the group, causing problems within the group.
In the same way, closed small group systems have both their advantages and disadvantages. They prevent negative factors from influencing the group, and may help keep the group more focused on their goals. The disadvantage would be when creativity and ideas are solely from the members of the group, instead of drawing inspiration and other influences from the outside.
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Small Group - Chapter 3
9-14-10
3. How does someone’s physical appearance (i.e. clothing, hairstyle, body shape and size, posture, etc.) affect your perception of and feelings about that person?
I would like to say that a person’s physical appearance does not affect my perception of a person, but that would definitely be a lie! I do find, however, that my perception of people based on their appearance may still be “not typical”.
For example, where most people would be turned away by a person who might be labeled “alternative”, I tend to have more respect for them! I recognize their free spirits, and their willingness to go against the norms of society. Another example is how I view people who struggle with their weight. Unfortunately, too many people write them off as “fat” or “ugly”, and refuse to respect them. I find, however, that I am willing to respect them if they respect themselves. If a man or women has enough respect for themselves to dress properly, instead of giving up and dressing sloppily, then it is very easy for me to respect them just as easily as a person that has never struggled with their weight. In fact, I am probably more willing to view them with more respect than others, because they choose to take care of themselves, and present themselves well instead of choosing the easy way out.
As for the general public, my perception of people is often based off of their physical appearance. A person dressed in a full suit I would perceive to be very serious about their job. A person dressed comfortably, though still very nice, I would perceive to be confident and comfortably in their environment. If a person is dressed sloppy at a workplace or in public, I am going to perceive them as a person who does not care much about themselves, let alone their job, or their surroundings.
In general, I tend to read a lot into people’s physical appearance. My general philosophy is that if you have enough respect for yourself to present yourself in a certain way to the public, then I will respect you as a person in return. If you cannot respect yourself, however, then it will be much harder for me to respect you.
5. When a member’s verbal and nonverbal signals are inconsistent, what do you usually do, and why?
I definitely am more inclined to pay more attention to nonverbal signals over verbal signals, especially if they are inconsistent! A person’s nonverbal signs are much more instinctual, whereas verbal signals can be purposefully changed and falsified. For example, if a customer comes into the coffee shop and orders a drink, and tells me that it is very good, but gags every time they take a sip, I am definitely going to believe their nonverbal signals over their verbal. They may be trying to not hurt my feelings, but I can obviously see for myself that the drink does not taste good at all!
3. How does someone’s physical appearance (i.e. clothing, hairstyle, body shape and size, posture, etc.) affect your perception of and feelings about that person?
I would like to say that a person’s physical appearance does not affect my perception of a person, but that would definitely be a lie! I do find, however, that my perception of people based on their appearance may still be “not typical”.
For example, where most people would be turned away by a person who might be labeled “alternative”, I tend to have more respect for them! I recognize their free spirits, and their willingness to go against the norms of society. Another example is how I view people who struggle with their weight. Unfortunately, too many people write them off as “fat” or “ugly”, and refuse to respect them. I find, however, that I am willing to respect them if they respect themselves. If a man or women has enough respect for themselves to dress properly, instead of giving up and dressing sloppily, then it is very easy for me to respect them just as easily as a person that has never struggled with their weight. In fact, I am probably more willing to view them with more respect than others, because they choose to take care of themselves, and present themselves well instead of choosing the easy way out.
As for the general public, my perception of people is often based off of their physical appearance. A person dressed in a full suit I would perceive to be very serious about their job. A person dressed comfortably, though still very nice, I would perceive to be confident and comfortably in their environment. If a person is dressed sloppy at a workplace or in public, I am going to perceive them as a person who does not care much about themselves, let alone their job, or their surroundings.
In general, I tend to read a lot into people’s physical appearance. My general philosophy is that if you have enough respect for yourself to present yourself in a certain way to the public, then I will respect you as a person in return. If you cannot respect yourself, however, then it will be much harder for me to respect you.
5. When a member’s verbal and nonverbal signals are inconsistent, what do you usually do, and why?
I definitely am more inclined to pay more attention to nonverbal signals over verbal signals, especially if they are inconsistent! A person’s nonverbal signs are much more instinctual, whereas verbal signals can be purposefully changed and falsified. For example, if a customer comes into the coffee shop and orders a drink, and tells me that it is very good, but gags every time they take a sip, I am definitely going to believe their nonverbal signals over their verbal. They may be trying to not hurt my feelings, but I can obviously see for myself that the drink does not taste good at all!
Monday, September 13, 2010
Small group - Chapter 2
9-13-10
4. What factors (characteristics of the speaker, contextual factors, characteristics of your own personality, etc.) interfere with your ability to listen?
Depending on the day, there can be many factors which interfere with my own ability to listen. One of the biggest things that interferes with my ability to listen is how the speaker is delivering their message. If a speaker is simply reading from a prompt, script, or book, it is often very hard for me to stay focused on what they are saying. I often ask the question to myself, “why should I spend my time listening to you read, when I could read it for myself?” This is especially the case for teachers whose method of “teaching” is to read from the textbook!
Another factor that greatly influences my ability to listen is the context of the situation I am in. If I am in a room that is quiet, and at moderate temperature, then I am much more likely to listen intently than if I was in an extremely cold or warm room. This is also the case for a room with lots of noise, or outside distractions. If I am at an outside service or concert, you often find that my attention is captured by the traffic, nature, and people around me.
If a speaker is obviously not enthusiastic about what they are trying to communicate, then I will rarely pay any attention to them! My logic is simple in this case; “If you are not enthusiastic about your subject, then why should I be as well?” However, if a speaker is excited about their topic, I am much more likely to listen to them! In fact, I will probably listen to a lecture on College Algebra intently if the professor is excited about what he is teaching!
5. What techniques do you personally use when you are trying to remember what someone tells you.
I use many different memory techniques. One of my most commonly used techniques is to remember exactly what was happening at the time of the conversation. Often, if I can recreate a scene in my mind, whether it be a certain out of place mark on the white board, a plane flying overhead, an interesting plant, or the way the wind is blowing, I can replay the situation in my head to remember what they said!
Another technique I use to remember what someone tells me is to associate it with something. This could be either in the form of a picture in my head, or a hand motion. This is mostly used for remembering facts, definitions, terms, and other types of information for a class. Often times the more abstract the association, the better I can remember! For example, if a professor was teaching about the pitfalls to listening effectively, I might devise a series of hand motions to help me remember the list. Each motion would start where the last one left off to help me remember the whole list in order.
4. What factors (characteristics of the speaker, contextual factors, characteristics of your own personality, etc.) interfere with your ability to listen?
Depending on the day, there can be many factors which interfere with my own ability to listen. One of the biggest things that interferes with my ability to listen is how the speaker is delivering their message. If a speaker is simply reading from a prompt, script, or book, it is often very hard for me to stay focused on what they are saying. I often ask the question to myself, “why should I spend my time listening to you read, when I could read it for myself?” This is especially the case for teachers whose method of “teaching” is to read from the textbook!
Another factor that greatly influences my ability to listen is the context of the situation I am in. If I am in a room that is quiet, and at moderate temperature, then I am much more likely to listen intently than if I was in an extremely cold or warm room. This is also the case for a room with lots of noise, or outside distractions. If I am at an outside service or concert, you often find that my attention is captured by the traffic, nature, and people around me.
If a speaker is obviously not enthusiastic about what they are trying to communicate, then I will rarely pay any attention to them! My logic is simple in this case; “If you are not enthusiastic about your subject, then why should I be as well?” However, if a speaker is excited about their topic, I am much more likely to listen to them! In fact, I will probably listen to a lecture on College Algebra intently if the professor is excited about what he is teaching!
5. What techniques do you personally use when you are trying to remember what someone tells you.
I use many different memory techniques. One of my most commonly used techniques is to remember exactly what was happening at the time of the conversation. Often, if I can recreate a scene in my mind, whether it be a certain out of place mark on the white board, a plane flying overhead, an interesting plant, or the way the wind is blowing, I can replay the situation in my head to remember what they said!
Another technique I use to remember what someone tells me is to associate it with something. This could be either in the form of a picture in my head, or a hand motion. This is mostly used for remembering facts, definitions, terms, and other types of information for a class. Often times the more abstract the association, the better I can remember! For example, if a professor was teaching about the pitfalls to listening effectively, I might devise a series of hand motions to help me remember the list. Each motion would start where the last one left off to help me remember the whole list in order.
Small Group - Chapter 1
9-13-10
2. Describe the worst group you’ve ever been in, and explain why it was such a bad group.
The worst group I have ever been in was a small group I was assigned to for a class presentation. The people I was assigned to work with had no concept of working together as a group. They also refused to take responsibility for their part of the presentation. Despite my encouraging, if not begging, for us to meet together to work on our presentation, we did not meet until the week of our presentation. Even then, they still had done no research whatsoever.
On the day of our presentation, I went into the library to work on something else, and my team members begged me to come help them put their powerpoint together. They had not even learned how to use Powerpoint until the day of the presentation! I showed them how to make a basic presentation and went back to my work, but I couldn’t help but cringe when I saw them copying straight from Wikipedia into their presentation.
As I had expected, when we gave our presentation, the other girls simply stood there and read from their power point slides. I was horrified, because my grade was completely dependent on our group presentation! In the end I had to beg the teacher not to grade me based on their performances, since I had put 110% effort into my part of the presentation, AND had helped set up their parts!
It was definitely the worst small group experience I have ever had!
4. Do you think computer-mediated groups should be classified as small groups? Why or why not?
I do think that computer-mediated groups should be classified as small groups. Though they may be an newly emerging type of group to many people, computer-mediated small groups have the potential to become very sturdy groups. Computer-mediated small groups often form their own society of sorts as they frontier new grounds in technology together. And the workings of a face-to-face small group are often still seen in the workings of a computer-mediated small group!
2. Describe the worst group you’ve ever been in, and explain why it was such a bad group.
The worst group I have ever been in was a small group I was assigned to for a class presentation. The people I was assigned to work with had no concept of working together as a group. They also refused to take responsibility for their part of the presentation. Despite my encouraging, if not begging, for us to meet together to work on our presentation, we did not meet until the week of our presentation. Even then, they still had done no research whatsoever.
On the day of our presentation, I went into the library to work on something else, and my team members begged me to come help them put their powerpoint together. They had not even learned how to use Powerpoint until the day of the presentation! I showed them how to make a basic presentation and went back to my work, but I couldn’t help but cringe when I saw them copying straight from Wikipedia into their presentation.
As I had expected, when we gave our presentation, the other girls simply stood there and read from their power point slides. I was horrified, because my grade was completely dependent on our group presentation! In the end I had to beg the teacher not to grade me based on their performances, since I had put 110% effort into my part of the presentation, AND had helped set up their parts!
It was definitely the worst small group experience I have ever had!
4. Do you think computer-mediated groups should be classified as small groups? Why or why not?
I do think that computer-mediated groups should be classified as small groups. Though they may be an newly emerging type of group to many people, computer-mediated small groups have the potential to become very sturdy groups. Computer-mediated small groups often form their own society of sorts as they frontier new grounds in technology together. And the workings of a face-to-face small group are often still seen in the workings of a computer-mediated small group!
Thursday, May 6, 2010
Chapter 9
· Go to the website http://psychologytoday.psychtests.com/tests/self_disclosure_general_access.html
Take the self-disclosure test. Did your score surprise you? Why is it important to understand the how you self-disclose?
I actually did surprise myself with my score. My results said that I scored 48 out of 100, which was higher than I expected. I realize that my levels of self-disclosure are much lower than they probably should be. I suppose that the cause of my higher-than-expected score is that when I do become very close with someone, I tend to self-disclose exponentially more than I do with other people. In the end, I suppose it averages out.
I believe it is important to understand how you self-disclose so that you can be aware of areas in your life that may require more or less self-disclosure than you currently give. For example, I know that when meeting new people, I should not be as reluctant to self-disclose as I usually am. On the other hand, it is just as important to know when “enough is enough”, and you should not disclose as much as you think might be necessary for the situation!
· Go to the website http://www.web-research-design.net/cgi-bin/crq/crq.pl
What is your attachment style / intimacy style? Did you find your results surprising? Why or why not?
My attachment-related anxiety score was 5.70 out of 7. My attachment-related avoidance score was 3.70 out of 7. These results combined produced the overall result of a “preoccupied” attachment/intimacy style. According to the description, people who fall into the preoccupied style feel comfortable expressing emotions, but also have a great deal of negative emotions, which causes conflicting relationships.
According to this definition, I am not very surprised by my results. Looking back on past relationships, as well as current relationships, once I become comfortable with the person I am usually really open with them. It usually does result in conflicts, however, because I tend to struggle with a lot of negative emotions. When you are willing to talk about your emotions, but most of those emotions are negative, it will almost always cause a strain on the relationship!
· Go to the website http://members.fortunecity.co.uk/siukaice/openness.htm
Take the openness quiz. Are you more open or closed? Do agree with the results? Why or why not?
According to my results, I am “getting there but will still have to work at being more open”. I agree with these results. In high school, I was a very closed person. Upon coming to college, however, I have found the importance of being an open person. I have worked throughout the past three years to change my thinking into that of a more open personality. I think that being more open will allow me to be more successful, not only in school, but in life in general. This is because it will help me to see things from others’ points of view, and learn to improve upon my mistakes.
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Chapter 8
· Go to the website http://www.selfgrowth.com/articles/Hartwell1.html http://www.austincc.edu/colangelo/1311/relationalcommtest.htm
Take the relationship quiz (if not currently in a relationship base answers on past relationship). Also, take the relational communication quiz.
Do you believe the results are accurate? What do you think about relationship quizzes?
I thought that both of these tests were almost amusing to take. This is mostly because it has been 11 months since my ex and I broke up, after dating for almost 2 years! Both of the quizzes did, however, shed some light on my relationship with him. It also makes me wish I had taken them about 1 ½ - 2 years ago, to save me some trouble!
In the first quiz, I scored a 32, which landed under the “Caution” category. I couldn’t help but laugh at the parts where it said “your long-term success is in question now. It's time to work on those respect and communication issues.” As I said before, if only I had taken this quiz a few years ago, when I might have been able to apply what I was learning!
On the second quiz, I scored a 26 out of 60. This, again, would place me into the middle category, or barely into the “good” category. My biggest problem areas were supportiveness, positiveness, confidence, and expressiveness. Looking back, I would agree with these results. It will be interesting to see how I can apply what I’m learning to any future relationships!
· Go to the website http://valueprep.com/relationship-maintenance.html
Read the article on relationship maintenance. What is your opinion of this article? How do you feel about your ability to maintain relationships?
This article makes several good points about relationship maintenance. One thing that I thought was really important was to invest more time into maintaining your family relationships, and then have an understanding with all other relationships. I think that this is so important, because your family should be a constant in your life, and you should be a constant in their life. If you are being pulled away by other relationships, however, it puts a huge strain on your relationship with your family. I have had a lot of experience with this problem since I came to college, and have found the incredible importance of family over friendships. Friendships come and go, but family is for forever.
Now, just because I have come to realize and recognize this important fact about relationship management does not necessarily mean that I have come to master it! Even to this day, after struggling with this issue for three years, I still have problems managing relationships! I am constantly battling with myself and others over how much time and effort to invest in each relationship.
It has become even more complicated this year with the addition of my new “best friend”. This truly makes things even harder than before, because I have to figure out how to give Ashley and Josh equal time and attention, but still give them more than I do my casual friends. And of course, all of this must be done in light of the time and attention that my family requires. With the recent circumstances in Haiti, and with my family moving from Haiti to Mississippi, and then on to Alabama, my time has been almost completely consumed by just my family!
It is sad to say, but I have not done a very good job of maintaining any of my relationships this past school year. I know for a fact that there were times where I chose one person over another, when it should have been the other way around. Or when I should have gone “home”, but chose to stay and be with my friends instead. I am hoping that I can use my newfound knowledge of relationship maintenance to help me juggle my many relationships in the years to come!
· Go to the website http://www.oaktreecounseling.com/giver%20or%20taker.htm
Take the quiz. Are you a giver or a taker? Did you anticipate the results? Why or why not?
Well. Thanks to the lovely William Carey Internet system, I was unable to access this quiz. The results I was anticipating to find were certainly not fulfilled when my computer told me my access was denied because the website was categorized as “porn”!
On the other hand, the result I WAS expecting to find was that I am a giver~ In most situations, I have been generally known to give twice as quickly as I am to take. Most of my joy in life comes from giving to other people, in various ways. For instance, seeing Josh’s face light up when he realized I made him a CD of all of his favorite songs for his birthday was the highlight of my week, last Friday. Another example would be that my coworkers have always known if they needed someone to cover for them, whether it be for a few minutes or a whole shift, to call me! As I said before, most of my joy in life comes from doings things for people to make their day just a little bit better! J
Chapter 7
· Go to the website http://www.stresscure.com/relation/7keys.html
Discuss what you think about the suggestions offered on this website.
I thought that this article was very relevant! It was a good reminder of the important aspects of listening. Each of the tips had a valid point, and I found them to be very helpful in improving my listening skills.
#1 reminded me that “listening is not a passive activity”, and that it requires me doing my part as well!
#2 listed specific things to listen for when taking part in a conversation. It pointed out certain things that people tend to say in a conversation without ever putting them into words!
#3 reminded me that “listening requires wisdom” in order to understand the people you are listening to.
#4 reminded me to give people the respect and validity they deserve in a conversation. In other words, to always find validity in what they are saying, even when it all appears to be negative.
#5 reminded me to keep my mind clear and open whenever I am listening. Since reading this tip, I have noticed just how often I spend most of my “listening” time actually formulating my response, instead of actually listening to what the other person has to say!
#6 reminded me to “listen for tell-tale signs of impending trouble”. This means listening for signs of what the other person is too afraid to tell you straight out.
#7 once again reminded me to “listen with optimism and positive human regard”. This tip is very similar to tip #4, in that it reminds us to not view the conversation as negative or a waste of time, despite how much you may feel that way.
· Go to the website http://www.taft.cc.ca.us/lrc/class/assignments/actlisten.html
Learning to be an Active Listener is difficult. Discuss what you learned from the website.
This website was very helpful by showing different skills that are required for being an active listener. It listed the various body language aspects to remember, including posture and eye contact. It also taught me the different types of checks that can be used to reinforce what I am hearing. These include clarifying and perception checking. It also includes processes such as summarizing and paraphrasing. While all of these processes are similar, the website broke them down individually and provided definitions and examples for each of them. This helped me to understand each process apart from the others so that I can apply them to my own life.
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Chapter 6
· Go to the website http://www.dotolearn.com/games/facialexpressions/
Play with the demonstration. How could this simulation be beneficial?
-This demonstration was really cool! It was interesting to see how changing one simple thing has the potential to change the facial expression altogether. It was very beneficial, because it helps me to be more cautious with my facial expressions, because I could unknowingly be giving a negative expression when I mean to be positive!
· Watch an episode of the TV series Lie to Me
What did you learn? How could this show be useful to you in the future?
-I learned that you can learn a lot about a person by watching their body language closely. It is amazing how the slightest movements can give away emotions that we think we hide so well! This show could definitely be useful in the future by helping me recognize what people are actually thinking and feeling, versus what they are saying. This could be very useful when working with youth, especially, and trying to find out important information about them, and what is going on in their lives. As a social worker, it is so important to be able to recognize when people are not telling you the whole truth about a situation! I think that I should get school credit for watching this show whenever I start working on my MSW! J
· Go to the website http://www.esl-lab.com/para.htm
How did you do? Oftentimes we do not think about paralanguage. After taking this quiz, what role does paralanguage play in your life? If you misunderstand paralanguage, how might this negatively impact communication?
I did pretty well on the Paralanguage quiz. My score was 9 out of 10. I think that paralanguage is fairly important in my life. I have been known to use more paralanguage in the mornings than in the afternoons, but overall I tend to use it a lot. Paralanguage has also been known to be an issue with me when people misunderstand it. It negatively effects communication when people misunderstand paralanguage because they react according to how they understood what they heard. But if they misunderstand, it results in a confusion of the conversation, and may cause the conversation to go in a direction that was not originally intended. It also negatively effects communication when people have different meanings for paralanguage. It results in a similar situation as a general misunderstanding of paralanguage; causing the conversation to become confused.
· Go to the website http://homepage.psy.utexas.edu/homepage/group/langloislab/
Describe what the research suggests. Do you agree or disagree with this website? Why or why not?
The research presented on this website suggests that beauty is measured not necessarily by personal preference, but by comparing each person’s face to an “average”. The researchers took pictures people who are considered to be attractive, and found that they all have very similar facial features. In essence, the beautiful people are those who do not have abnormal facial features. Their research also suggests that a person’s image does in fact affect how they are judged by others.
I am not sure whether I agree with the research and results of this website or not. I think that their findings are logical, and I can see how they would have reached their results. I’m not sure, though, whether I agree with the implications of their research. If what they say is true, any person that I find attractive, I would only find attractive because they have the perfect, or mostly “average”. Based on my past, however, most of the people I found attractive are not necessarily considered attractive by other people. In fact, most of them have been quite opposite than the “normal” attractive people! But maybe the reason for that is because my brain really truly is backwards. :-/
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
Chapter 5
· Go to the website http://a4esl.org/q/h/dt/genderfree.html
What is your opinion of this website? Do you think language shapes our reality of the world?
I thought this website was pretty amusing. I knew most of the answers to the questions from experiences before, though. I think that language does somewhat shape our reality of the world. I think that most people put too much emphasis on language something, though. One prime example of this is gender free/politically correct language. I agree that we should be respectful to genders. I think that sometimes, however, people take it too far and try to make everything politically correct.
· Go to the website http://disputeresolution.ohio.gov/schools/contentpages/Istate21.htm
What is your opinion of this website? Discuss.
I thought this website was kind of cool. I think that the concept of “I” statements versus “you” statements is something everybody should consider. It takes more work, and it also requires taking responsibility for your feelings. In the end, however, I think that it is rewarding overall. This is because it helps solve a lot of conflicts within relationships.
· Go to the Website http://www.peacecorps.gov/wws/educators/enrichment/culturematters/Ch3/stylescommunication.html Test yourself on High Context vs. Low Context cultures. How did you do? Were you surprised by any of the answers?
I did pretty well on this quiz. I wasn’t really surprised by any of the answers either. I think this is because I have had a lot of experience with both types of cultures throughout my life.
Sunday, March 21, 2010
Chapter 4
· Go to the website http://www.queendom.com/tests/access_page/index.htm?idRegTest=1121
Take the Emotional Intelligence Test. What are the results? Are you surprised? Why or why not? Why is it important for you to find out your emotional intelligence score? How can you improve your emotional intelligence?
It is important to find out your emotional intelligence score because it helps you to find out what areas you need to improve on. From my score, and the feedback I received on my test, I believe I need to work on understanding my own emotions, and learning how to deal with my personal problems. If I improve in these areas, I think it will help improve my motivation levels, and confidence in helping others with their emotional problems.
· Go to the website http://www.mentalhelp.net/poc/view_doc.php?type=doc&id=9757&cn=353
Read the information about how to manage your mood. How does this information relate to the text? Did you find it helpful? Why or why not?
This information relates to the text because it relates to “managing debilitative moods”. While it is not the same concepts presented in pages 158-162 of the text, it gives similar, as well as additional methods for helping to minimize debilitative moods and emotions.
I found the information to be very helpful. Many, if not all, of the concepts I had heard before. I found this article to be very good in reminding me of certain ways I could soothe certain emotions, tensions, and moods. My favorite out of all of the methods presented in the article is the Progressive Muscle Relaxation (or PMR) method. This is a self-soothing technique I used to use in high school, but had forgotten in the craziness of college life. I will definitely be trying to use it more often again!
· Go to the website http://www.abc.net.au/science/news/stories/s184614.htm
What is your opinion of this article?
I find this topic to be interesting, but not anything new. I have seen and heard about this concept before in many of my psychology classes. Because of this, it was not a very exciting article. On the other hand, as I said before, the concept is really interesting, and something I would find fascinating to see firsthand!
Chapter 3
· Go to the website https://implicit.harvard.edu/implicit/demo/selectatest.html
Take one of the tests. How does this website connect with chapter 3?
Take the test. Determine your personality temperament. How will this test help you with personal relationships? Jobs? Any other observations?
My personality temperament, according to the website, is “Idealist”. This test could help me with personal relationships by helping me know how to interact with others, or help others interact with me in order to have harmonious relationships. If I can better understand how my own personality operates, I can better understand how to react to others.
This test could also help with jobs, because it can help me focus on finding a job that would work better with my temperament. I can also explain my temperament to my superiors to help them understand why I do things a certain way. In that case, my boss and I, together with these results, can find a position for me that will create the best work environment, which would result in the most productivity.
· Go to the website http://glennrowe.net/BaronCohen/EmpathyQuotient/EmpathyQuotient.aspx
What is your empathy quotient? Are you surprised? Why or why not?
My empathy quotient is 40. I was slightly surprised by this. I was especially surprised, and also saddened, to find out that I was on the lower end of the average group. I would have guessed myself to be most likely still average, but a higher scoring average. I know that I am not the most empathetic person, but I also think that I have a fairly decent ability to empathize with others.
Chapter 2
Pick the 10 words that describe the most fundamental aspects of who you are:
1. Religious
2. Sister
3. Eccentric
4. Friendly
5. Loyal
6. Determined
7. Dreamer
8. Smart
9. Short
10. Nonathletic
What types of descriptors seem most fundamental to your self-concept?
The types of descriptors that are most fundamental to my self-concept are probably my strong beliefs, social roles, and my moods/feelings.
What descriptors do you see as the most vulnerable to change?
The descriptors that are most vulnerable to change would be my appearance and physical condition. My moods and feelings are also vulnerable to change.
Do you think others would describe you as you have yourself? Why or why not?
I do think that others who know me would describe me fairly similarly to how I have described myself. I believe that because I have heard my friends talk about me, and how they view me before. They’re initial description of me would be “crazy!”, but if asked about specific traits, I think that they would agree with what I have listed myself.
· Go to the website http://fcis.oise.utoronto.ca/~daniel_schugurensky/assignment1/1968rosenjacob.html
What did you think about this article? Do you buy into self-fulfilling prophesies?
I thought that this article was very interesting. I was concerned about testing out the Pygmalion Effect in schools because I assumed they would not only test positive self-fulfilling prophecies, but also negative. I was pleased to find that they chose to only test positive effects, for obvious ethical reasons. I found their results to be interesting, though not very surprising. I do buy into the concept of self-fulfilling prophecies, as I have seen them play out in my own life. In the case of a teacher/student, if the teacher truly believes that a student is destined to succeed in their classroom, they are more likely to treat them with special attention, and encourage them in their academic growth. In the same way, if a teacher believes that a student is bound to fail, then they are likely to pay less attention to them, or grade them more harshly, resulting in the student getting discouraged and doing poorly in the class.
· Go to the website
http://www.parenting.com/article/Pregnancy/Development/Boost-Your-Babys-Self-Esteem
Check out these tips for parents on how to increase a child’s confidence and self-esteem in the early years. Do you agree with these tips/Myths? Which tip do you believe is most helpful?
I thought this was a very good article. I agreed with all of the truths and tips that they gave. I did, however, semi-agree with Myth 1: “Your newborn will turn out to be a wimp if you pick her up every time she cries.”. I thought that this myth was not completely true, but also not completely false either. I think it is important for children, even infants, to learn that they cannot always have all of the attention. I don’t, however, agree with never picking an infant up and always letting them “cry it out”. I think that it is important for a baby’s self-esteem to be held, and shown that they are cared for.
As for the other tips and myths, I found the last one to be the most helpful. It pointed out that while babies may not understand words, they easily pick up on facial expressions and vocal tones. For this reason it is important to be careful to not present a negative tone or facial expression too often around infants. I think that this may be the hardest for parents of multiple young children, where they may not intent to be negative; but out of exhaustion/frustration with other children present a negative tone/expression.
Chapter 1
My expectations for this class:
My expectations for this class are to learn more about interpersonal communication. I expect to learn more about why people react certain ways in certain situations. I expect to learn how to better react in certain situations in order to communicate better. I expect to learn more about the communication process in general. I also expect to mostly just have a lot of fun while learning at the same time!
Communication Skills Test:
I took the Communication Skills Test found at http://discoveryhealth.queendom.com/questions/communication_short_1.html . My results score was 55. According to the website, this score means that my communication skills are average. I would agree with this result for the most part. I do not consider myself to be an excellent communicator. On the other hand, I also don’t think that I am necessarily a terrible communicator. I think my communication skills depend on my situation and my position in that situation.
What are the unique qualities of your relationships?
All of my relationships are very unique from each other. My relationship with one of my best friends, Josh, consists of us constantly picking on each other, while my relationship with my other best friend, Ashley is very opposite. We still pick on each other, but not near as much as I do with Josh. Ashley and I’s relationship is built off of a mutual understanding of each other, and lots of inside jokes! Another difference between my relationships with Ashley and Josh is that any conflicts between Josh and I are usually settled fairly quickly, while Ashley and I don’t really address any conflict. Conflicts between the two of us are usually resolved by spending a day or two apart from each other until we come to an understanding.
Relationships with my brothers and sisters are all very different as well. For example, my oldest brother and I are very close because we share the responsibility of looking out for our younger siblings. Usually the only conflicts we have between each other are about who is more responsible for what. My second brother and I’s relationship, however, is completely different. Christopher and I spend most of our time fighting with each other. These conflicts are usually not settled until something big happens and we have to confront each other. My two youngest brothers and I usually just spend our time picking on each other and discussing our similar likes and dislikes. My sister and I have the most unique relationship of all of them, because we are the only two girls in the family, and also because there is 11 years in between us. Even though there is a huge age difference, we still get along fairly well. Our relationship consists mostly of discussing the things she is interested in, and trying to teach her about being a “sweet, young lady”.
How irreplaceable are your relationships?
Some of my relationships are fairly irreplaceable. For example, my friendships with Ashley and Josh are hard to replace because they are my best friends, and we know each other so well. This is true, despite me only knowing them for 1-2 years! The relationships with my family cannot be replaced because they are my family, and nobody can duplicate the experiences we have been through in the past years. On the other hand, relationships with people such as professors and my pastor are easier to replace because I have not know them as long as my family, or as closely as my best friends. In between the two extremes are people like my college minister, whom I have known for the same amount as my pastor and professors. Chad is more irreplaceable because I have grown closer to him as we have worked together the past three years.
How much interdependence characterizes your different relationships?
My different relationships have very different levels of interdependence. The interdependence between my family is not as strong as it used to be, because we no longer live together, and lead very different lives. We still have some level of interdependence, however, because what some of us does affects the other members of our family. My interdependence with my friends, on the other hand, is much stronger. This is because we do a lot of things together, and depend on each other to do certain things, and fulfill certain roles in each others’ lives. My interdependence with certain friends from high school, however, is pretty much non-existent. This is because we have moved on with our lives, and what each of us does has absolutely no affect on our other old friends.
Compare the amounts of self-disclosure present in your relationships along the p. 25 impersonal-interpersonal spectrum.
My self-disclosure present in almost all of my relationships is fairly low. For the most part, I do not self-disclose much information. The biggest exception to this is my two best friends, and also my mother on occasion. I may self-disclose basic information, but as far as anything more than that surface level information, most people do not know that much about me. This is even the case for people I’m decently close to, such as my college minister, and certain family members!
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